Sometimes Momentum Has to be Manufactured


Sometimes creating one's own momentum is the only way to start working one's way out of a depressive episode. Yup—I've been depressed. Like, actually depressed. As someone who has been clinically depressed for pretty much the entirety of my life, it's too easy to see depression as the normal way to live. It's easy to forget what it feels like to just feel centered and balanced and just okay. Not exhilarated. Not over the moon ecstatic. Just...okay. In general. Without feeling like everyday life is rubbing my nerves raw in a persistent, insidious way, making everything gray and achey and foggy and sluggish and difficult and muddled. 


Granted, this hasn't been a great winter. Between being *really* sick in November, and the lack of light and the "goings-on" in January—experiencing the illness, hospitalization and death of my grandmother, I've totally lost my stride.

And it's been dawning on me: I see the signs: 



—I've barely been able to drag myself out of bed before noon for weeks.

—Sometimes I don't go outside for days on end.


—The things I usually enjoy I don't. I feel like I'm withdrawing from friends and loved ones. 

—Irritability.

—Sudden outbursts of anger (natural part of the grieving process, but still).

—Worrying, worrying, worrying.

Anyway. This note is just a placeholder and an acknowledgement. Part of an ongoing conversation.

Being candid and conversational about the stuff of life is pretty much my policy all across the board.  

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